Life is like a box of ACTIVE GRENADES!

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Can I do anything right? I don’t tumble commonly, but I’m bored and stressed and pissed off, so why the heck not.

I’m THIS close to losing the person I consider my best friend (aside from my girlfriend) because I don’t freaking think through things. GUH. I’m trying to think of what to do, but I just don’t know. I say someting before thinking, and even when I do think… I still end up crossing the line. Does everyone deal with stuff like this? Haha, I was going to do homework this afternoon. Not now!!! I’m just so mad at myself… There’s so many things I wish I could unsay, take back, etc. But I can’t.

I really screwed up this time.

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I’m sorry.

I screwed up. I was a flat out jerk to my absolute best friend. I said terrible, terrible things to them in order to make me feel better about myself, And I regret every last word. Some of the things that I’d said, that I’d done, there was no undoing. The two of us grew apart, it seemed. I felt absolutely terrible. Day after day, our exchanges decreased to the point where we’d share a few dozen words a day, no more. This hurt me like you wouldn’t believe. Every time I saw them, I thought of the way things used to be, when we used to joke around and take everything the wrong way and complain about the school system. But not anymore. I just felt like complete crap. We started arguing about the hurtful things we had said in the last couple weeks, and then I snapped. I started crying. My big sister is more important to me than most any other person on this earth. I couldn’t lose her. I needed her. I love my big sister SO much. More than she will ever know. And for a second there I had trapped myself in a very deep, dark hole. We both had, I think. And I don’t know what would’ve happened if we didn’t both come to our senses and get eachother out. God has blessed me with the most incredible big sister in the world. No, she’s not a blood relative, but she might as well be one. I love her unconditionally, a feeling I know is mutual. Through thick and thin. Bri Busch, you are awesome. I’m sorry for anything and everything I’ve said that hurt you. Remember I love you. I always will. We’re SO going to be the friends that get snowed in town together for Christmas. Be it one month from now, or one decade from now, you will always be my big sister, my best friend. I love you <3

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Don’t ask me what I’m doing with my life. Even I don’t know the answer to that question.